Goodbye
by Elektra
Summary: BtVS/Angel crossover. The missing scene from 'In The Dark'. (B/A)


TITLE: Goodbye   
AUTHOR: Elektra  
EMAIL: mydestinyfic@yahoo.com   
DISCLAIMER: All the characters in this fanfiction universe belong to Joss, the WB television network and everyone else who holds copyright to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series and the Angel series.   
DISTRIBUTION: If you would like permission to archive this piece, please email: mydestinyfic@yahoo.com.   
OFFICIAL WEBSITE ADDRESS: http://my-destiny.tripod.com   
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RATING: Rated PG   
CONTENT: A/B   
SPOILERS: S4/S1  
SUMMARY: The missing scene from 'In The Dark'.  
DEDICATION: This piece is dedicated to Chris Beck. His beautiful Buffy/Angel anthem inspired me to give Angel this one last goodbye.   
  
I always said I wanted to see her in the sun.   
  
I was wrong.   
  
Watching her across the busy campus was torture. I didn't belong there. I felt odd. Discomfort, I guess that's what it was. I've lived life one way for so long, the change seemed wrong. Uncomfortable. Strange.   
  
A little boy was playing ball on the grass in front of me. Such innocence. I don't know the last time I've seen that, the purity of spirit that can only belong to a child. I smiled at him. He must have been four, maybe five. He had dark hair and these bottomless brown eyes. Is that how I looked as I child, I wonder? He looked at me for a moment before running back to his mother. He hid behind her. He hid from me.   
  
In that world, I was a freak. I was different. I would never fit in. I knew that.   
  
The light was blinding. You can't really understand what that means until you've lived in the dark for a couple hundred years. There were these hazy golden auras around everyone. It was like walking through Heaven, or what I hope Heaven is like. Everything glowed. Everything was shiny and bright. No darkness. No fear, just that bright shimmering light. I'd like to see Heaven someday.   
  
I was right. She belongs there. Buffy belongs in that light.   
  
She was sitting on a bench under an oak tree. The leaves were tinted ever so slightly orange. She was laughing, laughing with Willow. They were playing with the leaves, making crowns. Queen Buffy and Princess Willow. They were beautiful. I forgot women could look like that.   
  
For a moment, I forgot myself and laughed along with them.   
  
It felt good.   
  
Her skin. She glowed. I didn't know she could look like that. I don't remember seeing anything like it before. It was like she'd been dipped in sunlight, her body gleaming. She'd been working out. I could tell.   
  
I know her.   
  
She's happy. She's happy in the sun with Willow and Xander and Giles.   
  
I don't remember the last time I saw Buffy look that happy. No. That isn't true. I do remember. It's simply a memory I choose to avoid. It was my last blissful moment, the moment before I knew the kind of monster I could become again. The last moment before I had to live with the knowledge of type of bastard that I am.   
  
It was the last moment I felt the sun.   
  
I can't take that light away from her again. I wont.   
  
So, I did what I always do. I left without saying a word; I left without letting her know I was ever there. I gave everything I have for her, just as I always have. Just as I always will.   
  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   
  
"--there'll be another one tomorrow."   
  
I smile at him. No, he doesn't understand.   
  
Never, never again. My light is lost to me.   
  
Forever.   
  
"Not for me."   
  
The brick is heavy in my hand as I lift it. It's weighty, like the action I am about to undertake. There's no going back. My time in the light is gone. No, the darkness is all I have. It's what I am. It's better to go on in the darkness than to hope to live in a world where I don't belong.   
  
A green light flickers briefly as I bring the brick crashing down. All my hopes. All my dreams.   
  
Gone.   
  
A tear rolls down my right cheek. The last one.   
  
Goodbye, Buffy.   
  
I love you.   
  
~*~Fin~*~ 


End file.
